I received these products for free from www.influenster.com to test and review.

I'm generally not a conditioner person at all. I have super fine and limp hair and conditioner usually weighs it down and make it look oily :(

This was not the case with the herbal essences conditioner. First of all, right out of the bottle, it was different. Non really fluid-like, more like a paste, over the normal lotion style i'm used to.

The smell was great, not similar to the herbal essences that i've loved for all of these years, but more of a subtle mint smell. And correct me if im wrong....but i do believe it made my scalp tingle!

The best part about this product is the fact that is paraben free, not only are parabens harmful for us, but they are not great for the environment!

all in all, i do believe this one is a keeper for me. Now, i won't be a daily user because i know that my baby-like hair just cant handle it, but i'll certainly be using it after i use styling products, or so swimming in a chlorinated pool.

The dry shampoo is GREAT for adding a little bit of texture to my fine and limp hair. Generally my hair does not want to take a style easily. I like to use dry shampoo to not only get the oily residue out of my hair in builds up fas as well and spraying it before start using my flat iron for some curl.

Ok, so dry shampoo is dry shampoo, right? no way. This stuff is also paragen free.....it uses TAPIOCA to absorb the
oily is your hair and give it a little texture for styling. Good for me, good for you, good for mother earth. Ditch the stuff your using now and go with something you can feel good about using.


....really means you normally look like shit. Not all the time, but when you're just out in about in everyday clothing, not done up at all, and someone tells you that you look amazing, you need to stop and think about it....because girl friend you normally look horrible!

Why it's nice to get a compliment, telling someone they've lost weight, when really they haven't, means "man you are so dumpy all the time, seeing you not in yoga pants...you look, well not like a whale".

So I must have let myself go, because I've gotten both of those recently! Haha!

So, if you know me in real life and ever see me the way I've apparently looked for the last several months, TAKE ME SHOPPING AND TO THE DAMN SPA!

I really had no clue that I'd let myself go enough to get the "you've lost weight" comment... Yikes. I took the you look great comment as winter is over, it's nice seeing you not in a bulky sweater...but damn girl not the "you've lost weight" kiss of death!

Now now, getting a compliment is not ALWAYS bad. I give them all the time and totally for legit good looks! Got a new outfit, fab! New jewelry, yes please! Nice hair cut or color, all the way! Make up done when normal you don't, rock on girl friend! But be warey of the compliment that comes when you do not fit in to any of those scenerios!!

And as a public service announcement, just put on a cute pair of earrings, seriously! It makes a difference....and I know someone you can buy them from ;)


I just happened back to my blog for no real reason, only to discover that after almost a year of not writing I have had a buttload of views lately, like 50 a day.

For a blog like this, that's a lot...

Who the hell are you? Identify yourselves, your crazy creepers!

Maybe I'll start posting crap again. You inspire me.


Confess, at one point or another, you have thought "I totally could be a serial killer". Especially after watching an episode of Dexter :)

One night, very very late, I was driving home from college, exhausted. I called my then fiancé (now husband) and had a conversation to keep me awake. The convo happened to be about how I could "totally be a serial killer", next thing I know BAM, I hit a dear. I freaked out, luckily a cop came by, found the dear, which wasn't dead....then she shot it. I cried and cried. over a dear, and I wasn't even the one that killed it. There goes my grandiose dreams of murdering sprees :)

Indentical twins totally waste their opportunity to maim and dismember people. Same DNA, look the same, etc. basically they have a built in alibi! Why the heck not? I mean except for the whole "thou shall not kill" rule and all. so, if you're and identical twin and you have the urge, get your better half in on it. It worked on TV!

These crazy things come into my head after watching an old episode of law and order and then hearing about that new movie The Purge.

The Purge. That's some good shit right there. 1 night of the year you get a free pass to whatever you want?!? Count me in!!! Alas, I've got these kids that I need to take care of, so I suppose I'd hunker myself down in a bunker and let the day pass.... But I might just have a wish list to pass on to someone partaking in the festivities ;)

Any thoughts on this topic? I'd love some comments and discussion!


Lily: the opposite of yes is no?

Dad: correct

Lily: the opposite of shirt is no shirt

Dad: .....I guess so??

What is going on in that brain?!

Like yell at my kid....for something your kid does all the fucking time.
Logan is rambunctious, we know that...and i think we handle it very well thank you very fucking much.

This kid.....oh man this kid. She lives a couple houses down, when she moved in, Lily was so excited to have a girl friend only a couple houses down. That was short lived. right from the beginning, there was bad behavior. Hitting, manipulation, attitude, not respect for adults, and inappropriate language/gestures (not cussing, more sexual in nature). She even pulled her pants down and showed my kids her vagina. Of course, she lied, told her mom that she thought she tinckled in her pants and was checking. No fucking way.She is constantly getting in trouble at preschool for hitting and acting out and such. So, you're thinking "why the hell are you still allowing them to play together". That is a good question. I feel that my kids GOOD behavior rubs off on her, which it has, her mother has told me that. AND Lily really needs a girl friend to play with. Also, showing them the difference between good decisions (my kids) and bad decisions (this girl) is great. I even wrote a request to the school asking my kids not to be in the same class as her next year, as i see that she is surely going to be a bully and bad influence. My kids on't know how to be mean and i don't want them not meeting NICE kids because they go right to her because they already knew her.

This kid is a monster, but I feel bad for her. Single mom, living with a man (who apparently has had repeated problems with law for drunken domestic abuse with his ex-wife), that has a minimum wage job and has only been sober for 3 years (with a 5 year old kid). I mean, she even has come over to my house because to bathe because the shitty boyfriend didn't pay the utility bills and they had no hot water to bathe the kid....So, I have her come over, watch her every so often when her mom has to run out to the store, even offered to pick her up from school next year and letting her hang out here until an adult came home. Well, fuck that now....

Yes, I let me kids play outside unsupervised. Yes, they do not have a bed time in the summer. And yes, I am OK with these choices. Kids need to play, get dirty, explore, be confident on their own and not be scared of the damn world. It's annoying to see these parents hover over their kids, like they are morons, like they can't make decisions on their own, like they are made of fucking glass. My kiddos have rules, obviously. They aren't allowed to talk to adults that are not on my aprroved list of people in the neighborhood. They cannot go into any houses without asking me first. They can't go into the street, and there are boundaries on the sidewalk that ends the approved area of play. Of course they had broken the rules. They've knocked/rang door bells when they shouldn't have, (Logan) and were appropriately punished. Lily got caught in the street (don't worry, it was in our circle, not the street street) and couldn't ride he bike for a week (torture)

So now for the yelling. After dinner Logan asked if he could go play with the neighbor girl. I said yes. About 5 minutes later he came home in tears, crying and so upset set..... He went over there, knocked, and i guess he didn't knock loud enough. He walked in (as she fucking does at our house all the damn time) Well, the bastard boyfriend yelled out Logan to "get the hell out of his house". How is that an appropriate fucking response? Have i done that to their kid when she just comes in, with out even knocking? No way! I don't yell at other people's kids, fucker. THEN when i went there to have Logan apologize for coming in, he bastard yells at me. I told him that his response isn't appropriate for the situation and that he shouldn't have yelled at someone else child. He's god damn luck Damon wasn't home. No, Jersey Jessica didn't come out. I don't bring her out in front of my kids.

fuck them
fuck that brat
fuck that drunk

Today I "made" s'mores pops.

I've been so excited to make these, I bought the ingredients last week in preparation :)

Basically you get premade dough, cut some squares, put chocolate, marshmallow and a stick inbetween two squares. Whatever, easy.

Dough went easily enough, then I placed the chocolate and marshmallows on top of the square, now for the failures

1) Recipe called for 10 marshmallows, yeah right, only 6 fit.

2) you are supposed to fold up sides of these dough pieces and press with a fork making this cute ravioli type closure.... only there isn't enough dough along the edges to make a full seal. I had to reduce the amount of chocolate from 3 pieces to 2 and the marshmallows to 4. Ugh.

At this point I got annoyed and was not being gentle with my dough, my husband has to step in. I proceeded to make s'mores in my mouth with the extra pieces of chocolate and marshmallow that should have been in the pops... Teehee

We slapped some egg whites on the tops of these babies and cooked at 12 minutes. Later we enjoyed a mildly chocolatey, not at all marshmallowy, dough pouch.

Her are some photos

The dough
My supplies
Precooked pops. I made the huge one in the front, Damon did the rest while I ate chocolate and watched
There you go. Eh
If you drive like an asshole, you will get the finger, and probably my horn too. Solution: don't drive like an asshole
What exactly IS driving like an asshole, well, that's simple.... Inconviencing me in any way :) if you pull into a parking lot and stop in the middle of the entrance, causing a car to be stranded in the lane, don't be surprised to hear a horn. Seriously? Continuous motion is required until you get to your destination, moron.

Driving on icy streets. Yes, I drive slowly when the street is covered by a film of ice. I don't have an SUV and people actually care if I die, so yes, I will be slowing down. Honking your horn at me will cause one of two things to happen: 1) my middle finger will say hello 2) I will purposefully drive slowly until I am convinced that you are thoroughly pissed off.

Traffic circles are for CONTINUOUS MOTION. No need to stop if there is no one is your lane, no need to stop if another car is just getting into the circle at the entrance to your left..... Umm, we are all going at a slower speed and as long as you move your ass, you fit right into the gap... Why is this a difficult concept to understand? I will honk at you for not moving you ass, I will continuously honk until you move said ass. So, move it.

My husband says my honking will get me killed one day. I doubt it though....it'll be my finger. Apparently it's offensive ;)
Let's get a few things straight. I'm a good person, I care about others, I love my family, I do not commit crimes....I'm pretty awesome (hence this blog name). It's pretty hard to take a stab at me and actually hit something. I don't do anything wrong....heck I won't even drive my car after a single martini!
Although I am this wonderful person.....if you fuck with me I will fuck you back, harder than you can imagine! That cliche "you mess with the bull, you get the horns" totally applies to me. One way to get yourself totally screwed is to say or do anything to my kids. Oh, man, you'd be totally fucked. And that's exactly what happened to troglodyte.

I've had the pleasure to find out that troglodyte fucked himself when he tried to take a stab at me. The genius man that he was (albeit, probably drunk at the time....) actually admitted to drinking and driving during his attempted "attack" on me. Funny thing is, smartie pants was trying to get a job at the police station at the time. Well now, guess who didn't get that job? TEEHEE! He's blaming it on somebody posting things on his facebook page, he must be talking about our encounter.
I DO hope that he learned some things....like 1) you're dumb, don't argue with someone whose IQ is clearly 50 points higher than yours. 2) don't admit to illegal activities ONLINE (that goes back to his undoubtedly low IQ) 3) don't say things about someone else's kid, you are just asking to get your ass handed to you.... and 4) NEVER mess with jessica cammarano....ever.

So, I'm satisfied and I really do hope I see him again.....he will probably be one of those drunken hobos with a sign in front of Walmart by then :) wouldn't that be nice?
Today is a sad day for me. I got into a shit slinging fight....I won, but still, it wasn't a fight I picked or wanted to be in.

Lets re-cap.
I will refer to myself as me and the other party as troglodyte (to protect anonymity, although it is a great descriptor)

begin-a nice invitation to make the lives of many people safer and less toxic (me)
snarky random comment for troglodyte
genuine comment from me, followed by a civil calling out of the snarky comment after a retrospective thought
total and utterly inaccurate insulting comments about myself and my kids (whom are 5)

Jersey Jessica comes out. Hello Jersey Jessica, haven't had any blood lately? Well, have your fill this is an easy one.

So, on it went, basically all troglodyte could say is that my 5 year olds were hoodlums (barney teaches gang symbols I guess, or maybe it's their christian preschool that does...) and that my business sucks (I have 6 shows between now and the 31st)....that I poop near couches (not sure how to respond to that, but I'll gladly fulfill that request), I say fuck a lot (mostly written, but I can verbally bust out some nice catch phrases) and my husband doesn't call me a million times a day because he can (I think troglodyte meant CAN'T, but I'm fairly sure he's been drinking....and that still doesn't make sense)

Now, I'm out for blood and pull out all of my little known secrets about this person (this battle is in the bag)
Let's talk about troglodyte's list of "this is why I'm a shitty person" and compare it to mine
employee in a field of which drinking can be an issue
driven drunk
driven drunk with my kids in the car
driven my kids (under age 9) to a public pool, then passed out
Pissed all over my families furniture because of black out drinking
Has double income family, yet most bills are not paid on time (second notices and such, not talking a few days) but buys extravagant un-needed selfish things
Reneged on a childs birthday plans because they purchased expensive sports season passes
Doesn't cuss often

Spouse has literally kicked them out of the marital bed due to drunkness
Has a child that has been brought home by the police (has a record)
Has a child that has been tested positive for drugs

So insecure that they must call their spouse 10+ times a day
Churchly person, goes as often as possible

Nope, just a stay at home mom
Nope, rarely drink
Nope, don't drink around my kids
Again, nope. Guess I'm strange

Well, in college, I once puked in my back pack....

Well....one time there was an anthrax problem in my post office and a payment arrived 2 weeks late, about 10 years ago
My kids come first when it comes to "wants"

You got me there...I do, so fuck you and the horse you rode in on
Nope, again, responsible person....

Again, mine are only 5, but I strive to nip all potential issues at the bud
Nope, again, no one in my family has or would ever test positive for and drug
Great marriage. Super secure person. Yay therapy!

Got me there, although I do enjoy church, I don't like being up early.....so nope...
So, the unfortunate part of this attack is it did nothing for troglodyte other than admitting in a social forum that he has driven drunk (ooops, better hope future employers don't do a thorough internet check), has strained a valuable relationship between myself and his spouse (that might have been his intention, but he's not too bright, so I doubt he could have thought that far into it). All troglodyte's dirty laundry got aired and he got his proverbial butt kicked by a little girl. So sad.

As for my husband's take on this, he reigns me in if I get too upset, but is glad I can defend myself and that Jersey Jessica has only been bottled up in Nebraska and can still come out when needed.

After this event, I'm upset, emotionally spent, feeling superior and VERY grateful that I am married to my husband and not a troglodyte. Oh and my therapist will earn his fee at our next session dissecting this fun-ness.

rantings, mom advice, product reviews,