Today is a sad day for me. I got into a shit slinging fight....I won, but still, it wasn't a fight I picked or wanted to be in.

Lets re-cap.
I will refer to myself as me and the other party as troglodyte (to protect anonymity, although it is a great descriptor)

begin-a nice invitation to make the lives of many people safer and less toxic (me)
snarky random comment for troglodyte
genuine comment from me, followed by a civil calling out of the snarky comment after a retrospective thought
total and utterly inaccurate insulting comments about myself and my kids (whom are 5)

Jersey Jessica comes out. Hello Jersey Jessica, haven't had any blood lately? Well, have your fill this is an easy one.

So, on it went, basically all troglodyte could say is that my 5 year olds were hoodlums (barney teaches gang symbols I guess, or maybe it's their christian preschool that does...) and that my business sucks (I have 6 shows between now and the 31st)....that I poop near couches (not sure how to respond to that, but I'll gladly fulfill that request), I say fuck a lot (mostly written, but I can verbally bust out some nice catch phrases) and my husband doesn't call me a million times a day because he can (I think troglodyte meant CAN'T, but I'm fairly sure he's been drinking....and that still doesn't make sense)

Now, I'm out for blood and pull out all of my little known secrets about this person (this battle is in the bag)
Let's talk about troglodyte's list of "this is why I'm a shitty person" and compare it to mine
Troglodyte:
employee in a field of which drinking can be an issue
driven drunk
driven drunk with my kids in the car
driven my kids (under age 9) to a public pool, then passed out
Pissed all over my families furniture because of black out drinking
Has double income family, yet most bills are not paid on time (second notices and such, not talking a few days) but buys extravagant un-needed selfish things
Reneged on a childs birthday plans because they purchased expensive sports season passes
Doesn't cuss often

Spouse has literally kicked them out of the marital bed due to drunkness
Has a child that has been brought home by the police (has a record)
Has a child that has been tested positive for drugs

So insecure that they must call their spouse 10+ times a day
Churchly person, goes as often as possible

Me:
Nope, just a stay at home mom
Nope, rarely drink
Nope, don't drink around my kids
Again, nope. Guess I'm strange

Well, in college, I once puked in my back pack....

Well....one time there was an anthrax problem in my post office and a payment arrived 2 weeks late, about 10 years ago
My kids come first when it comes to "wants"

You got me there...I do, so fuck you and the horse you rode in on
Nope, again, responsible person....

Again, mine are only 5, but I strive to nip all potential issues at the bud
Nope, again, no one in my family has or would ever test positive for and drug
Great marriage. Super secure person. Yay therapy!

Got me there, although I do enjoy church, I don't like being up early.....so nope...
So, the unfortunate part of this attack is it did nothing for troglodyte other than admitting in a social forum that he has driven drunk (ooops, better hope future employers don't do a thorough internet check), has strained a valuable relationship between myself and his spouse (that might have been his intention, but he's not too bright, so I doubt he could have thought that far into it). All troglodyte's dirty laundry got aired and he got his proverbial butt kicked by a little girl. So sad.

As for my husband's take on this, he reigns me in if I get too upset, but is glad I can defend myself and that Jersey Jessica has only been bottled up in Nebraska and can still come out when needed.

After this event, I'm upset, emotionally spent, feeling superior and VERY grateful that I am married to my husband and not a troglodyte. Oh and my therapist will earn his fee at our next session dissecting this fun-ness.
 


Comments

Heather
01/11/2013 1:09pm

I knew that was your steaming pile of shit next to the couch.......

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